Friday, March 26, 2021

Life is happening for us, for me

Until very recently, I thought human life was a sentence. As in a jail time and we have to endure it until the end of the life, whenever that might be. Waiting for the end to arrive while we suffer. We are brought here to go through all of our past and present accounts to pay off as many of the debts as possible. That was the mindset I had. It wasn’t all my life but since my challenging college/university days, that’s what I believed. 

Earlier this year, I got a cancer diagnosis and I realized things needed to change in the way my mind worked, in the way I thought. I started to seek all kinds of help from everywhere possible. A few amazing books, more readings, a lot of different types of therapies, some meditation and tons of affirmation cards (more on all those soon) later, I have realized that life is the most beautiful thing ever and I’m truly blessed to have gotten a chance to experience it and to be living it right now. 

A meditation session at work yesterday also confirmed the same. The meditation teacher said “Life is not happening at us. Life is happening for us. Life is on our side. It is not a trap. We are not helpless. We are in charge.” His session went on to describe life as our personal movie and we are the star as well as the director of that movie. Despite of all the struggles, conflicts, challenges, and uncertainty it brings, it is our ability to experience all those and feel the emotions and act with our most authentic selves is what makes it a beautiful movie, which would be quite boring otherwise. And that we have complete control over it about how to experience it. It is that movie that brings us opportunities, teachings and lessons that we wouldn’t have gotten if it were only a happy-go-lucky kind of "boring" movie. This philosophy resonates with me so deeply. I’m realizing how wrong I was in thinking about it as a punishment. With the new experiences I have had in last couple of months, I’m experiencing first hand that this life is truly my friend, my companion, a miraculous thing and so full of excitement! I just have to take time to experience it all and see it and feel it myself. I’m truly grateful to be alive!!!

Thursday, March 25, 2021

The hardest question


Have you ever faced the hardest question of your life? She asked me if the visitors were coming at home to send her off because she’s going to die soon. 

She could see it coming I am guessing. Five days before, when our cousin was going to visit us for two days from out of town, she asked me if she was coming over to say final goodbye. I answered her with a smile and a gentle touch on her arm (I couldn’t hug her because that was too painful for her) as I choked, with an extra large lump in my throat, trying very hard not to cry in front of her: “She is coming to see you, to see us. It’s been a while since she came by so she’s just visiting. We are going to have fun!” Four days later, she left. 

Life is like that. You think the hardest things are painful experiences, but the hardest is to keep living those experiences after your loved one leaves you, because you can’t forget it. You can’t release it. You can’t get it out of your system. Some day, I hope to let it all go. Hoping it’s soon. 

That lump is back in my throat and vision hazy that I can’t see clearly. So I pause for now.

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

Ho'oponopono - the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer

Recently, as in last week, I discovered this Hawaiian forgiveness prayer "Ho'oponopono" that one uses to forgive themselves. It is very simple to practice yet very powerful. It goes like this:

When we do this prayer, we are supposed to say all of these statements to our very own self as it is said that any and all healing happens within us first. Even when someone around you is unwell, you can heal them by doing this prayer for yourself. I was truly astonished when I first read it. I had to reread it to let that sink in. How do I heal others by healing myself? But it's true. Here's hoping I am able to do this as often and as much as possible. 🙏 

More about ho'oponopono here: