Relationships advice from Sadhguru

More storms arising in the place called mind about so many things and my two lifelines come to rescue. One suggested to start listening to Sadhguru and the other one sent this video link: 

Now how to remind self of this every single day and every moment when the mind and heart wants to think relationships are absolute that in reality it's all variable. Didn't realize Mathematics / Algebra had so many levels and can be applied to life too. :)

As for the punishment part, I think we as a person are no one to punish anyone. The karma itself brings about its results to the doer of it and even if it doesn't, it shouldn't be our business to punish anyone else for anything they're doing. Only our own karma is in our hands and we as people have no control over what others do or don't do. 

These are all reminders to self. For our betterment, for our well-being, for a peaceful future.

Source of our Happiness and Sadness is within Us

Conversations with HP these days have been more philosophical than ever. It's nice because we both get to share the gratefulness for this life and the positive things about it with each other and at the same time, we remind each other that all the not-so-positive parts are like that because we look at them negatively. What we have concluded is that we constantly have to brain-wash ourselves in believing that all the happiness or sadness in this life is because of us only. That there is no other entity / event / person responsible for any hurt / happiness we might be feeling. All of these topics come up when we start talking about sister Shivani and Brahma Kumari lectures. I personally don't have enough time so for me, all the learning and reminding happens through our conversations. So grateful I get to learn about these things today than tomorrow.

I knew that all the answers were within us but knowing that the source of happiness or sadness is all us and only us was a big revelation for me. It is astonishing to know that I am the reason why I am happy or sad or whatever else I might be feeling. The events or experiences could be the initiating points of those, but at the end it is up to me to feel happy or sad about something. The blame game has only single source and that's within us. It is easy to play the victim in any situation but in reality, when the observation starts for the source of the negativity, it is actually inside us. This is all coming after days and weeks and months of these discussions and I am so grateful for them. Wish I had more time to turn that search light inside more often. To find the answers to all those unanswered questions. When and as the answers come about, it all makes me realize how beautiful this life is. So grateful for it and all that is and all that isn't.

Building tolerance when needed

When new year starts, mind feels quite busy often as it is a time to look back and summarize the experiences and ponder on what all has been learned in the past year with all experiences.

Best moments are the ones where you connect with loved ones to talk about philosophical things and realities of life, despite of them being not so pleasant, when we experience positive things. Down moments are the ones filled with disappointments; disappointments because of unpleasant experiences, because of unpleasant interactions, unpleasant people. Sometimes it makes me wonder if the expectations are contributor for that. May be so. Regardless, these sour experiences or moments have started to become lessons-learned than disappointments. Only gradually though. Thanks to loved ones for sending tons of reminders. One of the positive things that has barely started is the transformation to start listening to positive things, see more positive things, or rather see the negatives as positives. HP often reminds me of these things. Hope I can listen to more of BK speeches. Here's one of them that has come to rescue on time recently. What an amazing thought: "If we could look into the heart of the other person and know the journey of what they have gone through e'd become more tolerant, more kind, more generous and we would care more".

Why is it so hard to forgive?

Not for me, for others.
That's what stumps me so often these days. People holding grudge against their loved ones. Why can't people just let it go? How big of an ego do they have that disables them, stops them from letting go and becoming a bigger person? How they live with that feeling of unreasonable expectations or anger or hatred or upsetness whatever you call it - inside them is beyond me. I wish the world was more forgiving and I wish people let go of their high expectations and egos that hold them back from becoming lighter in their minds and hearts and become one one day - in minds and hearts. Especially if it's a loved one. Wishing for more hearts to be forgiving. For it might be too late one day to even forgive someone.

Express your appreciation

Some of the recent incidents and examples in life have reminded me. If you appreciate something or someone, or someone's gesture, then let them know. Not only they will feel good, you'll feel great. Sometimes it is too late to let people know that they are appreciated, because they're not there any more. Telling myself to do this on regular basis and thanking God for reminding me of this. Here's a note to self to continue to remember and do this every day.

Hugs

Talking to CN today reminded me again as to how hard it is for us to start the hugging process. With anyone, especially if it's the people we like, people we care about, people we love. She has a hard time hugging her parents. I remember going through something similar myself years ago and have managed to change that. It was a gradual change but it has worked so I know it does. So I told her that she can definitely change it if she really wants to. She said she gets to see her parents once every week and feels awkward to start the process but with the suggestion I gave her, she's gonna give it a try. I hope it works. :) Even her kids have noticed, "mommy, how come you never give a hug to grandma?"

It might be awkward at first so start by the sideways hug. This is the kind where you just put your arm on the shoulders of the person standing next to you that you wanna hug and do *pat pat pat* on their other-faraway shoulder. This kind of hug works great for starters. It also works for those completely awkward people who wanna stay 10 miles away from and steer clear from, but are forced to hug because you're hugging every single other person and they might feel left out. Make sure you don't turn them into the Aspi-hug ;) when you don't want that to happen. But seriously, give hugs to people. Don't hold back. It's like a therapy for the hugger and the huggie and increases love and reduces stress.

Hug times: the best times are when you're leaving to go out, just coming home, just meeting the person, or saying bye to them. This way, it's like a hello or bye-bye, but with a hug and doesn't look too emotional, if you care about such things. And then once you feel comfy, hugging becomes so natural and doesn't feel like something out of place.

Here's a reminder to give hugs. As many as possible. To all.

The jo-bhi-hai-achha-hai attitude

So as recently as three months ago, I heard these stories and totally loved the moral that was behind them. They’re probably from some scriptures but I don’t know about that.

~~~~~*~~~~~

Story I:

Once there were three rishi kumars (sons of a saint) who lived near a riverbank. They were very religious and did no harm to other living things. Every morning, they woke up early and came to the river to bathe. While they bathed, because of their righteous characters, their fresh clothes would hang all by themselves in the air without a line. This is how it had been. One day, while they were bathing in the river, a frog jumped out from the river and an eagle flying over saw the frog. As is the nature of a flying eagle, it dived down to catch its prey. The frog didn’t have a chance to jump back in the water. And all of a sudden, two sets of clothes that were hanging in the air, fell on the sandy riverbank. Three kumars looked at each other. As they came out and got dressed, they started talking about this strange incident. With quite a surprise, first one, whose clothes had fallen on sand, said, “I wonder what just happened.” Second one, surprised too, said the same thing. Third one asked them both, “so what were you thinking when the eagle attacked the frog?” The first one said, “I wished for the eagle to not attack the frog. Watching that poor frog struggle in the eagle’s claws was so sad.” The second one said, “I wished for the eagle to catch the frog. It had been circling the skies since so long, it must have been so hungry. I’m glad the eagle finally found some food in form of the frog.” They both then asked the third as to what he thought. Third one said, “it’s not for me to decide whether something is good or bad. I was just an observer of the incident and it was out of my control to stop the actions of either of them so I let the situation be and moved on with what I was doing.” All three of them now knew why the clothes of the third rishi kumar stayed hanging in the air without support.

~~~~~*~~~~~

Story II:

Once upon a time, there lived a courtesan at the edge of a forest. Right across of her house, lived a sage. Everyday, completely different kinds of people visited both of these houses. The courtesan respected the sage for who he was and treated him so. The sage being the saatvik (of having pure nature) person he was, couldn’t help but feel sorry for her, and sometimes even detested her when he got tired of having her as a neighbor. Years and decades passed like this. The courtesan wished for her life to be like of the sage and the sage, along with trying to live his life normally, kept on thinking of the bad things in the courtesan’s life. When their lives came to an end, and they had to go to the better worlds, the sage was being taken to hell, and the courtesan to heaven. And the reasons happened to be, that the sage, still being the simple and pure person he was, could never stop thinking of the negatives in others’ lives and the courtesan, being the person who she was by profession, could only think of the positives in the lives of others around her.

~~~~~*~~~~~

Both of these stories made me think. Think about how one should be thinking about others and not judging anyone. May be none of these principles/ways of life are practical and none of them could be applied in today’s life. I don’t know. It reminded me of a scene from Lagaan. These Hindi movies have so many levels. Don’t they? It reminded me of the scene where Bhuvan, Guran, Bagha, and Tipu are watching the match played by the English cricketers from behind the bushes, and trying to learn the game. Elizabeth finds them sneaking around, and walks over to meet them offering to teach them the rules. The fly-in-the-beard incident happens, and then introductions start between them. She says, “my name is Elizabeth.” To this, Bhuvan says “Eli aur ka? …naam lo to sasuri jeebh tedhi ho jaaye…”, and Guran adds, “achha naam hai, jo bhi hai achha hai (whatever it is, is good).” This is the dialog that stuck. That's where the title of the post comes from. I just couldn’t help, but kept going back to it at numerous incidents in life. And new year 2012 was around the corner. I stopped making resolutions since a few years but thought of developing this as a habit. Whether it will happen as often as I'd like or whether it will stick, I don't know. Lets see. Trying to apply the morals of the two stories above and this attitude to life. It’s hard, but not impossible. Practice, that too gradual, is definitely an option. Hoping this one sticks!

Forgiving a murderer?

It has blown my mind away to have found such a person in today's times. A mother whose teenager son is murdered says she forgives the person who killed her son. What thinking, man! It makes me want to respect this woman so much. She is truly an inspiration. Read some of the stuff she says and believes in below.

And to think, sometimes as a person we even have a hard time forgiving people who hurt us. It's a pity!

The parents of Ohio school shooting victim Demetrius Hewlin said today they forgive suspected gunman T.J. Lane for shooting their son, noting sadly that Demetrius was often late for school but not late enough that day.

"I don't know what [his] final moments were like, but I can't worry about it," Demetrius' mother Phyllis Ferguson told ABC News in an exclusive interview. "You have to accept things done and move on."

When asked what she would say to the suspected shooter, Ferguson said, "I would tell him I forgive him because, a lot of times, they don't know what they're doing. That's all I'd say."

"I taught Demetrius not to live in the past, to live in today and forgiveness is divine. You have to forgive everything. God's grace is new each and every day," she said. "Until you've walked in another person's shoes, you don't know what made him come to this point."

Hewlin was one of three teens killed following a deadly shooting rampage at Chardon High School on Monday.

Ferguson said her son as a "huggy, kissy boy" who was a "computer nerd," liked to read and did not like getting up early. Hewlin was good friends with Russell King Jr., 17, and Daniel Parmertor, 16, the other two teens who died after the shooting spree. His stepfather Tim Ferguson remembered playing pee-wee football with the boys.

"He wasn't a morning person and he was late for school. But that one day he wasn't late," his mom said. "We were running a little late, but we weren't late enough. But it's okay. It's in God's hands. Let his will be done."

She said she never imagined she would have to bury her son.

"I thought he'd bury me," Ferguson said. "He'd say, 'When you get old, Ma, you're going to live with me and we going to do this.'"

The parents said they are honoring Hewlin's wishes by having his organs donated.

"He will live after his death," Phyllis Ferguson said. "For one Demetrius, there's eight people he can help."

Ferguson said it has not fully hit her that her son is gone and that she expects to hear him running through the house. But she said she knows the matter is out of her hands now.

"God knew what he was doing. It's not for my understanding, but mine to accept and remember him as he was," Ferguson said.

Source: http://gma.yahoo.com/ohio-school-shooting-victims-parents-forgive-suspected-shooter-161435847--abc-news.html

Small unnoticed gestures

Some people take up very little space. Space in our hearts that is. We would not have all the comforts we have if it weren’t for them. When I look at these people, it makes me think and appreciate them.

The guy that sits at the reception desk doesn’t have too challenging of a job at a first glance. All he does is smiles at me, greets me when I say good morning or good night, and that's pretty much all of our interaction. Day after day, week after week, month after month, it doesn’t change. Once in a while when I'm in mood, I ask him how he is doing and he responds back with a smile. He's mostly listening to the instrumental music on a random radio station and watching people drive by on the road outside the big glass walls when he is not ensuring the visitors sign in/sign out. A couple of months back, when I went away for more than one week from work, he actually noticed it. I was quite surprised because when I was back, he greeted me as usual and mentioned that he hadn’t see me since a few days. Smiling, I told him that I was on vacation but I was also happy to be back. He smiled back as usual.

The janitor that cleans the floors is mostly seen working away. No matter what time of the day it is. He is seen either sweeping the tiled floor, vacuuming the carpets or moving the big garbage can around to collect trash from one floor after the other in the entire building. Sometimes, when he mops the floor, he has the yellow cone thing with a sign "wet floor" set on the floor. I passed by him last week apologizing for stepping on the wet floor that he had just cleaned. He smiled back and said it was okay and mopped the floor again after me. In my mind, his expression lingered for a long while… till now. I was reminded of the scene from Munnabhai. I thanked him and walked away thinking about him.

The office lady at work does extra work in the kitchen also. Like loading the dishwasher with the plates still in the sink, turning it on afterwards, unloading the clean dishes and stacking them back in the cabinets, etc. Her task list is never empty. Even though she has put a sign on the sink saying please rinse food off from the dishes and place them in dishwasher, there are employees that overlook it and leave their dishes/utensils behind in the sink. She volunteers to load those in the dishwasher also. These are the employees who don’t believe in cleaning up after themselves. She also has other duties like cleaning the fridge and cabinets, fills up things that are running out (teabags, coffee, sugar, milk, etc.). If she gets upset about people leaving their messy plates behind, she has no place to go and rant about. Every time I run into her in the hallway or kitchen, I make it a point to thank her. Sometimes I wish those people were more considerate.

The cashier guys at the café/restaurant where I get my lunch are really nice. I make it a point to read their names from their badge and say it every time they help me. It makes both of us smile. I didn't go to this one for a few weeks and he wondered where I had been. I was truly surprised that he'd actually remember one person among hundreds of customers he helps on daily basis. He doesn't do much but knows I am a vegetarian and knows my name too so I don’t have to say it when I order my food. Many times, that's what makes me want to go and eat at his café than other places. Wish all the cafes had people like them.

I'm happy to say that I've known the names of all of the regular janitors who come by to collect my garbage at work. This one mostly comes around the end of the day and collects the garbage from one cubicle after the other, without talking to anyone. For some reason, I can't let them go by without acknowledging them. I say hi to them, make a little conversation, thank them and by then it's time for them to move on to the next cube. Along with my immediate colleagues, I also make it a point to give them sweets every holiday season. I feel I can't thank them enough.

The reason I thought of making this post was I realized how my life would be without these people. Last week, the garbage truck that collects the trash in our residential areas didn't come by at all. They were on some sort of strike. At work, everything has to happen in timely manner, no matter what. If the janitor can not come in to work, they get backup. Someone is always there getting things done. At home, it was different. The garbage sat there for more than two days without being moved. That really made me think of what these people do to make our lives, my life simpler and easier. I really want to thank those people for doing their job, week after week, day after day, on time. To keep our lives, my life in sync, clean and worry-free.

Last week, I also lost my key at work as the little clip broke off. I didn't realize it for more than two hours and by the time I realized it, practically everyone had gone for the day. The janitor was going around so I let him know. He was really supportive and said he'd leave it at my desk in case he found it. The reception guy let me in the building without having the access card. After frantically searching for it for about 45 mins, I found my key sitting at other reception desk where the receptionist gal had saved it thinking the owner might show up the next day (the card key has no photos or any sort of identifier). I was united with my key the same day without having to go through the trouble of reporting it lost and going through additional troubles that would have been caused by the domino effect of losing one key. In the end, it all ended well thanks to these special people who do their job without getting much noticed.

As I interacted with these same people yet again today, it made me pay more attention to them, noticing their behaviors and expressions in my mind. It made me feel so nice to have them in my life, even when they take up just a tiny bit of space in my heart. I wouldn’t be so comfy if it weren’t for you, Anthony, Frank, Audrey, Mike, Aaron, Juljo, Joanne, Hilary and many more people whom I probably don't even know to make my life so much easier. Thank YOU!

Thank you, 2009!

Thank you, 2009!

You showed me that it is important to:

• Be free, be yourself and never be afraid to learn.
  
  Rainbow
  Originally uploaded by kananj
  
• Keep moving forward.
  
  Forward
  Originally uploaded by kananj
  
• Appreciate the roses; thorns are there to stay.
  
  Roses
  Originally uploaded by kananj
  
• Look closely - there is a lot of good out there.
  
  Double rainbows
  Originally uploaded by kananj
  
• Count our blessings we are showered with.
  
  Showers
  Originally uploaded by kananj
  
• Take a break.
  
  Gazebo by the lake
  Originally uploaded by kananj
  
• Socialize.
  
  Friends
  Originally uploaded by kananj
  
• Be Happy.
  
  Yellow flower
  Originally uploaded by kananj
  
• Be Green.
  
  Willow tree
  Originally uploaded by kananj
  

Happy New Year 2010!!!

Fear

Having wordly discussions with Mama makes me think about individual words quite often now. So when I was watching Lage Raho Munnabhai the other day, this scene caught my attention.



The word is "fear". The thing that begins in our mind with "what if...".

Why do we fear?

~~~~~*~~~~~

Updated: December 28, 2009

It is because sometimes we are afraid to lose what we have... our people, our freedom, our comfort, our material happiness, our possessions, etc.

It is because we are too comfortable in the given situation and the new change seems impossible thus prevents us from moving forward.

It is because our thoughts are influenced by someone else, we trust the fears of people around us and go along with believing them. If 9 out of 10 people said I could learn how to ride a bike, I might. If 1 out of 10 people said I could NOT learn how to ride a bike, I will never. Of course, this is if and when I listen to this one person.

It is because we don't know what future is going to bring, there is the fear of unknown. It is easy to be doubtful and it is difficult to trust, specially when there is no or less familiarity. We have imaginary fears.

And then there is fear of death, above all.

Life is too precious

He was 21 years old. He was young and full of enthusiasm for everything in life. He was very handsome looking. When I met him for the first time as a grown up, after almost two decades, he asked me about how America was. It seemed like he would have loved to come to America some day. We talked for about two hours that night after bhajans, just me and him. He was curious and he had a smile that would make anyone smile and had energy of a toddler. I saw him cry a few tears too when we lost our uncle.

Today, he's gone. He committed suicide yesterday because he was tired of living. He kept saying he wanted to die since a few days. He was in love with someone that he thought his parents would not approve of.

I just sit here and wonder... why? Why him? Why didn't anyone stop him when he kept saying such things? Such a disappointment. Such a sad incident. Then I realize, it is people around who are responsible for not stopping him, for not making him feel comfortable enough for him to share his emotions before he felt so much pressure he couldn't handle it himself. Why do such things happen? Can't we try just a little more to make kids around us realize that in life, there's nothing so bad that you have to do something so horrible to yourself. Suicide is NOT the answer.

As I type this, I remembered two other incidents where young boys who were in love committed suicide for the same reason - stubborn parents I wish parents taught their children the value of life; that suicide is for cowards. I know these are difficult topics to discuss with younger generation but at the same time, they need to realize that no matter what they do (be it falling in love with any random girl) there is no one who can stop them from loving that person. I realize that people act weird when in love, but at the same time why is it that they feel so helpless that they have to retort to such things?

People need to realize that there is help out there. If you can not talk to your parents, there are others who can help you. You can find a helper in your friends, your neighbors, at your school, at your college. In the US, there are organizations that specialize in such things; at the universities there are free counseling services that help you in anything and everything you’re having a hard time about. Seek help there, if not at home. But for heaven’s sake don’t ever think of killing yourself. You’re not worth it. If you’re getting such thoughts, go talk to someone, let it all out. There is a solution to every problem that you face in life. Suicide is not one of them. God, please help those who are in need.

May his soul rest in peace.

Om Shanti.

Why do we fast?

That's the question I had asked Papu a long ago. I had gotten quite a satisfactory answer for myself and that's why I believed in it. After I found out that "jaya parvati vrat" is going on right now and today is Guru Purnima, I asked him again to remind myself of the answer. He said that fasting is done with the desire for a sacrifice or letting go of something. Something that we think we need on daily basis, but here we will make a compromise with ourselves and hopefully that will eventually lead us to achieve higher self-control.

Over the years I have realized that the fasting that results in more craving for our favorite kind of foods is not worth it. You'd rather not fast at all. It is when we are able to decide by choice that even though I can eat this, I choose not to eat it, it's truly worth it. That too shouldn't lead to any regrets or unhappiness of any kind. Sometimes I feel that us Gujaratis fast only to eat. There are so many items that one can eat while fasting it seems that people who fast actually end up eating more than when they aren't fasting. I am totally against that idea. Fasting is to reduce the intake of food, so that there is no distraction of having a full stomach and sleepiness, which eventually leads to clearer thinking and better concentration on things that matter to us - our reasons for fasting.

Taking a little detour from the topic of post here.

He also told me that it is not good to have conditions with God. e.g. manyta or manta, badha, (in Gujarati) etc. that people keep for themselves or others. If something they wish will happen, then they will do this for their God. That is not unconditional devotion. Of course, then like Kashmira asked, the question would be, why people do it? Human mind is a very strong thing. It can make things happen the way we wish and when we concentrate on something so hard and wish for it, doing something conditional for it only helps our minds feel more confident about achieving that goal. That's how these things work. Many a times, it happens so that our wish doesn't get fulfilled, in that case too our faith/belief just gets stronger that eventually we will be able to reach our goals, only that next time we need to try harder. At the end of the day, it is about faith, how much do we believe in it. And people believe in things for many personal reasons. Faith makes people do weird things too. I remember talking to KB about it a couple of days back. She said in India there are ladies who'd actually roam around wearing a white saari because somebody they liked a lot died in a serial(soap opera) that they watch daily. But is it worth it? I don't know that, but what I do know and believe is that it's not worth playing that kind of a game with God. In life, we get what we deserve and if we got something forcefully then it's possible we might not be able to live with that fact or even worse, we won't have that thing for too long. Our deeds (karma) are like a big pot of grains with that has a faucet-like opening at the bottom. What you put in on top over the time (including past births) eventually comes out at the bottom. That's why we sometimes see a good person who's never done anything bad to anyone also going through hardships and bad people having so much good in life. At least this is the belief I live by. What goes around, comes around.

There is a story of King Dhritarashtra. After the Mahabharat War was over, he once asked Shri Krishna: "You can see beyond this life, then tell me what is it that I did in the past that I am born blind in this birth and even though I had a hundred sons, they all have died?" He got to see his past births with the help of "divya-chakshu" and some 50 births back, he saw that he was a hunter and once he threw a burning net over some pigeons in a forest. A hundred of them died in that fire and this was the reason he had to suffer the pain of losing his hundred sons. He threw the burning net, so that act resulted in him being blind. His next question was, why did it take so long for him to actually experience the result of such a horrible act? The answer he got was because first of all, in order to experience the pain of losing a hundred sons, he’d have to earn the good karma to deserve a hundred sons. He did more good than he actually needed so he also ended up becoming a king along with having that many children.

Papu says this often: (he read it somewhere, but I can’t recall where) sut vitt deh daaraa yash apyash vidhi haath.

sut = son/children
vitt = money
deh = body
daaraa = wife/spouse
yash = fame
apyash = defame
vidhi = fate
haath = hands

It means how your children will turn out, the amount of money you will get, the kind of body you will have, the kind of wife/spouse you will have, and any fame or defame you will get in this birth are all decided by your fate for you.

Thoughts of the Day

If life is a treadmill that means you gotta keep running or else you will fall off. Does it mean it leads no where?


Do we do things we don't like just because there are deadlines?

The Most Valuable Gift

SSC Board results came out today in Gujarat; HSC were last week. Four students I know were awaiting those eagerly along with their ever eager parents and relatives with baited breath. I remembered the days when I was waiting like that for my results. If you are studying in India, these two are the key years of your education as these results are the deciding factors of where you will land in your career. More on Indian education system later. While I remembered and sorely missed my school days, I realized how grateful I am to countless people in my life and to God almighty for all that I have achieved and learned in my life, including the importance of higher education.

When I think about parents and teachers’ contribution towards a child's life, I realize that what they teach us at a young age stays with us forever and if parents have a good education and/or encourage higher education for their children, then most of the times children also value education more. It is what we have observed while growing up that stays with us. I think this is one of the best gifts that parents can ever give to their children, and for that matter the best gift that anyone can ever give to others. I am so thankful to God for having such great examples and role models in family who have taught me that education is one thing in life that no one will ever take away from you. It gives us so much more power than we realize. I truly respect people who value and encourage education. I believe that education does not and should not stop with age; in short, there’s no retirement from studying. From all that I have observed in my life, I have come to a conclusion that more education brings more prosperity and higher standard of living in almost every way possible.

I want to write a lot more but the following link says it all. Some beautiful Sanskrit subhashita on Education: Importance of Education.

May those who seek further education be blessed with this most valuable gift ever!

Free Training by Life

Often times we observe others and learn what we should do; at the same time we also come across incidents in life where we learn what NOT to do. Recently, I came across such an incident and I got to learn some important lessons of life. Some of them I already believe in, so my belief has become stronger towards those, the others I got to learn for the very first time.

I have learned that...

• it is easy to think someone is wrong just because they act/behave differently than you.



• it is easy to find faults with others' thinking specially when it is different than our thinking.



• it is easy to give advice to others without realizing they did not even ask for it.



• it is easy to hurt/upset someone than to apologize to them for our mistakes.



• it is easy to assume and judge people. When in doubt, ask questions first.



• there are better ways to give your opinion to others than just be bitter and frank.
  satyam bruyaat priyam bruyaat; maa bruyaat satyam apriyam [Translation: speak the truth that is pleasing; do not speak the unpleasing truth]



• there is no way to undo the damage done by words.



• drinking ruins people's lives because a lot of times when a person is drunk he/she doesn't realize what they are doing and quite often they end up behaving in a way that they will regret later. One of them is, sending emails when being drunk.



• it takes more effort to dislike somebody than to be indifferent towards them.



• life is too short to waste on things we don't like; Better let them be and move on with life.

"Man ka ho to acchha. Man ka na ho to zyada acchha."

Something wonderful I read today, so thought of sharing it.

The above were the words of Shri Harivansh Rai Bachchan.

More below in the words of his own son, Amitabh Bachchan.

We remained like that for some time. We didn’t look at each other. Just stared out through the window.

And then I heard his voice -

“Man ka ho to acchha. Man ka na ho to zyada acchha !”

If things happen according to what you wish. It is good.

If things do not happen according to what you wish. Then it is even better.

And for the entire duration of the Play my father understanding the pain of my mental condition, sat next to me in that Hospital bed explaining to me the meaning of these golden words, not allowing me for a moment to get distracted by the goings on in Millman Hall.

If things do not happen according to your wish then they happen according to the wishes of the Almighty. And the Almighty always does things for your good, hence His wishes will always be better.

I argued against it. It was not logical. How can this be true. How can something that does not happen according to your wish be better.

But he persisted and explained and gave examples and persisted again and again and again. Till I succumbed !

It has been the greatest lesson of my life. One that has stayed with me in every situation. It has been my strength in adversity, my companion in pain and tribulation and my dearest friend in moments of glory and joy.

I shall be in Sherwood for Founder’s after 50 years. I shall walk past the School Hospital to Millman Hall again and time shall stand still as the strains of my father’s words come back to me, strong and resilient.

My father is no more. And one day I shall go too. But I have left these words with Abhishek for him to follow and pass on.

Humans perish, not their words. They are eternal.

‘Man ka ho to acchha. Man ka na ho to zyada acchha !’

My love and more to you always -

Amitabh Bachchan

Source: Day 31

Moderation

Random Thoughts

Yet again, there are wild storms in this place called my brain, so hold on to anything you can.

Parents & Teachers

Back in May 2007, while discussing many things with Pradyuman fuva, I realized how important it was for any person to have good parents and teachers in their lives while they are growing up. Parents and teachers are the key people who affect our life. These are the people who practically make us who we are. They influence and form our being, sort of like how a potter makes pots or other objects from clay.

Then it made me think of those who grew up in a household with one parent or none. It was very difficult for me to comprehend what their situation might be like.

I see my coworkers coming to work, leaving their kids behind at a daycare or at home with a nanny to take care of them. It makes me think whether it is really worth earning that money? If yes, for whom? I have seen in my generation that when the mothers left their work to raise the children at home, those children truly appreciated it when they grew up and the ones whose mother was working away during the day and only spending evenings and weekends with them didn't have many special memories or rather didn't recall their childhood so fondly as the other lot did.

It is not just the physical presence but the role that the parent plays while staying at home also affects the being of the child. To have a parent watch you while you play out there in a park or yard and to have someone else do that are two very different things.

A coworker of mine once told me how mischievous her toddler kids were and that they love jumping around the whole house. She was so tired of it she didn't know what to do about it. So another coworker asked whether they had seen anyone jump around? Guess what she admitted!? one day the parents were too excited and started jumping around without realizing the kids were watching and ta da!!! there you have it two bouncy balls that just won't stop any more. Why? Well, because their parents do it too. It was too hard to make them forget that. Similarly, the good behavior also gets imprinted on the screens of their minds and they remember it for a longer time than anyone can ever imagine.

Coming to the other important role models in our lives - our teachers. How many of us distinctly remember our favorite teachers? And the way we liked to do things that they did. I remember my baby cousin when she was around 4 years old, she went to kindergarten and wanted to comb her hair just the way her teacher did. I found it quite silly back then when I was a teenager, but when I think about it today, I realize that even I used to observe and learn things from my teachers that I never really was aware of until I grew up and started thinking about it.

Being a teacher is a very important role, because you are affecting the lives of others whom you might not even know or know just for a few months and then move on. I have read incidents where students are grateful for their lives to their teachers. Imagine up to what extent that teacher must have influenced the students. Of course it is up to the student to feel so, but when a teacher sets a good example to his/her students, the effect of it goes very long way; way beyond what he/she can ever imagine.

You see obedient people behaving in not-so-right way when they are away from their parents or no one else is around to stop them. Eventually they realize it, may be regret it and stop doing that. May be because of what they were taught as a child stays with them, no matter how much they grow up and move away from home/parents. Just that once in a while they need a reminder of who they really are. Is it wise to judge the character of these people when they behave so? Nanu and I discuss this sometimes.

Who I Am Makes A Difference

Ever wonder how some times you are just surrounded by negative feelings about others, about your life, about a lot of things in general... and then something happens and that changes everything; it makes you realize that what you were thinking or were planning to do or not do was not so right?

I am glad to have watched this video today. I wasn't going to because I read here that it would make me cry (I do run away from things that make me cry, be it having an emotional conversation with someone or watching a sad movie or just reading something touchy) so I was putting it off, but I am so glad I watched this video today.



And I have to admit, one of the things that encouraged me to watch this video was Neha's "Its only words..." post. I've learned that what you say matters too and what you don't say does as well.

I have got a ton of thinking to do now... as usual, because believe it or not, who I am makes a difference!