Thursday, March 25, 2021

The hardest question

2021-03-25


Have you ever faced the hardest question of your life? She asked me if the visitors were coming at home to send her off because she’s going to die soon. 

She could see it coming I am guessing. Five days before, when our cousin was going to visit us for two days from out of town, she asked me if she was coming over to say final goodbye. I answered her with a smile and a gentle touch on her arm (I couldn’t hug her because that was too painful for her) as I choked, with an extra large lump in my throat, trying very hard not to cry in front of her: “She is coming to see you, to see us. It’s been a while since she came by so she’s just visiting. We are going to have fun!” Four days later, she left. 


Life is like that. You think the hardest things are painful experiences, but the hardest is to keep living those experiences after your loved one leaves you, because you can’t forget it. You can’t release it. You can’t get it out of your system. Some day, I hope to let it all go. Hoping it’s soon. 


That lump is back in my throat and vision hazy that I can’t see clearly. So I pause for now.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It takes strength and courage to share this. Such beautiful words with emotion straight from the heart.Love you, honey.
KK :)

Kanan said...

Thank you, sweetheart, for being the sunshine of my life; bringing so much hope and love to my life; encouraging me to read and write more and being the biggest inspiration in my life! I love you, KK.