The hardest question

2021-03-25

Have you ever faced the hardest question of your life? She asked me if the visitors were coming at home to send her off because she’s going to die soon. 

She could see it coming I am guessing. Five days before, when our cousin was going to visit us for two days from out of town, she asked me if she was coming over to say final goodbye. I answered her with a smile and a gentle touch on her arm (I couldn’t hug her because that was too painful for her) as I choked, with an extra large lump in my throat, trying very hard not to cry in front of her: “She is coming to see you, to see us. It’s been a while since she came by so she’s just visiting. We are going to have fun!” Four days later, she left. 

Life is like that. You think the hardest things are painful experiences, but the hardest is to keep living those experiences after your loved one leaves you, because you can’t forget it. You can’t release it. You can’t get it out of your system. Some day, I hope to let it all go. Hoping it’s soon. 

That lump is back in my throat and vision hazy that I can’t see clearly. So I pause for now.

Ho'oponopono - the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer

Recently, as in last week, I discovered this Hawaiian forgiveness prayer "Ho'oponopono" that one uses to forgive themselves. It is very simple to practice yet very powerful. It goes like this:

When we do this prayer, we are supposed to say all of these statements to our very own self as it is said that any and all healing happens within us first. Even when someone around you is unwell, you can heal them by doing this prayer for yourself. I was truly astonished when I first read it. I had to reread it to let that sink in. How do I heal others by healing myself? But it's true. Here's hoping I am able to do this as often and as much as possible. 🙏 

More about ho'oponopono here: https://www.wanttoknow.info/070701imsorryiloveyoujoevitale

Love more, worry less :)

I have a humble request.

Please don’t be sad and please don’t worry. Also, please don’t feel sorry, dislike my condition or feel any other negative emotions. Words like “sorry about your condition”, “be tough”, “fight this”, “kick this out” or similar sentiments don’t help the healing process, at least in my opinion. When you think about me and otherwise…. Be happy. Exude love. Love yourself. Love others around you. Love everything around you. Just love! My aunt, who’s like a big sister to me, tells me love and happiness have tremendous healing powers so surround yourselves with only these two as much as you can. 

This is a learning opportunity for me rather than a fight or a challenge or a war or a battle. It is my journey to healing and I want to make it as much fun and positive as possible. This path to healing has been beautiful and filled with self-discoveries. Introspection is something I do a lot more of than I ever did before in my life. Until recently, I didn’t know what “going inwards” meant. Now I am learning about it and practicing it. It’s liberating and empowering!

The condition I have, has been created by me, of course, completely unintentionally. It is some disturbance in the tissues, imbalance in the cells and I don’t want to refer to it as anything else or anything dangerous. I am not afraid of it and I don’t want you to feel afraid of it or have fears about it. I have been giving a lot of love to my tissues and cells for them to get stronger and heal, and I do not want to think of them as an enemy or demon or something to be disliked. They’re all my tissues and the current situation has been created because of imbalances. Imbalances of emotions, imbalances of nutrients, imbalances in immune system because of various known and unknown reasons. I have learned that all of our cells and tissues have a natural ability to come back to balance and repair themselves and I’m doing as many things as I know of and trust to bring them all back in balance so that they can heal naturally. And I know it in my heart that they're all going to heal naturally along with the conventional treatments I am going to get. 

So when you think of me and my condition, I want you to feel happiness, shower your love and not be afraid. Think of it as an opportunity for yourselves as well… to learn from observation and to love more. Love yourself. Love me. <3 

I thank you. 🙏🙏🙏

I love you. 💗💗💗

PS. If you said/used any of those words I'm requesting not to use, please don't feel bad. 😊It is very natural and completely understandable sentiment that we feel when we hear about this.